An auspicious day for a Nazi

Driving through the streets of a European city with a big fat swastika painted on the bonnet of your motor is generally a bit of a no-no in most people’s books.

If such an emblem was spotted, the driver would likely turn out to be a prominent member of the local national socialist movement whilst his fellow occupants could safely be assumed to be of the shaven headed, jack-booted, tattoo-on head type whom most sane people associate with right wing violence, flick-knives and third rate punk rock.

But this isn’t Europe it is India and this is exactly the kind of situation where the weird and wonderful subcontinent never lets you down.

Not only is sporting of swastikas approved as decoration inside homes, but it is actively encouraged to be formed as a centrepiece of display when one has taken possession of a new car.

This isn’t twisted socialism in action. No, this is religion.

Welcome to the world of Puja, the Hindu answer to the catholic Mass.


Now the Indians, being a superstitious bunch, will take the chance to bless anything they can at any possible opportunity and why not?

After all, if God (well technically “Gods” and a good few thousand of them in various avatars and incarnations at that) is on your side, then how could you fail?

So you need a bit of divine spindoctory to create a fated day for successful deal making? No problem.

Just grab yourself a string of marigold petals, light some joss sticks and swing them around a bit in a figure of 8. Dedicate the entire shenanigans to to Lakshmi the Hindu Goddess of cold hard cash, and Bob’s yer uncle.

The contract is virtually in the bag.

Don’t get me wrong, Lakshmi needs to be kept sweet, but Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva are the boys who really pull the strings around here and if you are in the know you can just keep that triumvirate onside and you will be full to the brim of positive auspiciousness.

Needless to say it was with great false enthusiasm and a sizeable dose of atheistic rooted scepticism that I agreed to partake in the Puja blessing of the new Honda Civic that sat was in the parking lot of our office block awaiting our gaze.

Apart from the fact I found it difficult to justify finger painting the pristine bodywork of a factory fresh piece of sleek Japanese engineering, I couldn’t really fathom out how dangling some chillies from the number plate would give us an against-the-odds advantage of avoiding disaster on the horn crazed dodgem track of Mumbai’s roads.

To be fair, the biscuit Sue had precariously balanced beneath the badge was poised in an act of almost miraculous wonder, whilst getting me to drive a couple of feet forward and then immediately reverse back to my starting position in order to ensure the good will of the Gods toward our automobile did seem to provide me with an aura of protected existence, but why the hell we had to crack a coconut with bare hands on a loose rubble and then pour the remaining milk over the bonnet was quite frankly beyond me.

Alas, my scepticism was misplaced.

We made the journey home in good time (just a tad on the wrong side of 1 hour 5 minutes) and didn’t even come so much as close to a collision wit another vehicle.

Quite remarkable!

I am planning a second Puja upon my return from Calcutta later this week.

This time I am going to call on all the gods in all their Avatar forms to put all their other worldly efforts into discouraging teams of beggars from scratching at the pristine paintwork.

For months I was pretty tolerant to their actions as we buzzed around the city in a burgundy Tata Indica which was beginning to show signs of premature ageing.

The shiny silver sheen of the Civic seems to act as a magnet to the 7pm shift at every junction we stop at, though the hawker with the slightly sinister cartoon animal masks seems less inclined to approach my window cock his head and then blow the party whistle with an uninvited shriek.

I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it.

Addendum: The Mumbai Messiah

Ah well, just like the Christians, it looks like the Mumbaikers are going to have to wait.

The deadline for the final bid round of Metro line 2 passed last week and the winner was.....(drum roll)

Nobody!

A flat zero applications.
Nada.
Nil-point.
L'oeuf.
eh-uh (as per family fortunes)

What a freaking surprise.

Seems like the credit crunch is even stretching to the backsheesh......